The time is drawing close!!!!

Can I just say.....

As the reality of Gotcha day with Ava inches closer and closer…. I have to admit that….. although I am full of excitement, anticipation and LOVE LOVE LOVE...a large part of me is shakin’–n-my-boots scared and worried.

WHY?

It's not the long flights.
The hard beds.
The cold weather. (It's been snowing in Beijing!)
The foreign food.

I am scared because we are facing a reality that I didn’t really think much about with Jake and Kiah’s adoptions. I know I thought about it briefly with Luke and Logan’s adoptions. Luke was 19 months old and Logan was 22 months old at adoption. Luke was closed up in his shell so he did not truly feel all of the changes that surrounded him. Logan was obviously very aware of all that was going on. However, after his initial 2 hour scream fest…. his little personality started to show through and we didn’t experience any other real grieving. It was as if he christened us initially with tears and dry heaving and then… he was done. So… we have been very lucky.


THIS TIME I know it will be different. Because the stark reality is….this little girl isn’t a baby like Kiah and Jake were… and she is not even a toddler like Logan was… she is a preschooler. She arrived at PHF with three other girls when she was just 3 months old. She has been living at PHF for exactly 3 years. She has her friends and the people she perceives as her family.


And she doesn’t know us at all.



And all of the following things are a surety:

She is going to cry.


She is going to scream.

She is going to grieve.


She is going to reject us.

She is going to shout “No” and “Don’t want” in Chinese over and over.

And it is going to be heartbreaking.

I am sure I will attempt to bribe her with candy and toys in an effort to even get her into my arms.


And all of this is totally normal.

But as any adoptive momma can tell you… any type of grieving and rejection is really hard on a momma’s heart. And I’ve been trying to prepare my heart and mind for this for months.

Because the reality is although we have been loving this girl for 28 months…. she doesn’t know us at all. And I realize that all of this is quite obvious. But now we are coming face to face with it. I’ve been praying since February that God softens her heart and prepares her mind. I’ve been praying her adoption disruption did not damage her. I have been praying that God grants me the stamina I need to withstand the potential heartbreak I will feel.

Because I know me.

When she rejects me and screams and cries and tells her nannies that she wants NOTHING to do with us…I am going to feel heartbreak.

And that is normal too.


And this reality keeps me up at night. (Well, that and the fact that United discontinued their non-stop flights from Dulles to Beijing!!!)


I KNOW God’s has been orchestrating the details of this adoption long before August 2007 when I first saw Ava’s face on the PHF website. So her reaction to us, our reactions, our time in China….none of it is a surprise to Him. So, because it is not a surprise to Him I can begin to rest in the quiet assurance that He has everything under control, He has us in the palm of His hand. In His time He will bring peace to her hurting heart and He will grant me whatever I need (soothing, comfort, patience) whenever I need it.


I could not imagine navigating these waters with anyone other than God as my captain. There is a peace that comes from knowing that even facing a tough situation that you have God on your side. And to know that she has been hearing about God for the past 3 years soothes my heart as well. Because it is quite clear that God's fingerprints are all over this adoption.

A beautiful gift!

A couple of weeks ago I received a very sweet email. The lady's name was vaguely familiar. She had read my blog about Ava's fundraiser. She has her own business and she was emailing me to offer me some of her beautiful items if I chose to do a raffle a some point. After looking at her name for a few minutes I realized I knew her! She adopted a little girl from Luke's orphanage a couple of months after we came home with Luke. So, we had met back in 2007 on the orphanage Yahoo group!

I checked out her website and she has some awesome stuff! She has a website called Ruffle Stiltskins. She makes Ruffled Footless MicrofiberTights for Girls!!! THEY ARE SO CUTE! And I so so wanted them for Kiah and Ava. However....it's not in our budget right now due to saving and fundraising for Ava's adoption. I also noticed that she sold those fabulous knit flower hats! *swoon* Just love them!

Imagine my surprise when she offered to GIFT some hats to Kiah and Ava! AH!!!!!!!

Imagine the BIGGEST surprise when I opened the box and she also sent a pair of her fabulous tights for for Kiah and Ava!!! They will be dressing in STYLE!!!

THANK YOU MELANIE!!!!

Go check out her site! She is in the process of adopting a little boy from China (she and her husband have two beautiful little girls from China as well) so her business is helping to bring her little boy home! As soon as I have some freedom in my budget I will be cruising over there to buy some Christmas goodies for my niece.... which will also help this sweet momma bring her son home from China!!!

Ava's site and GOD IS GOOD!

Thank you for all the kind comments about our TA!!! We were on pins and needles waiting to see if it was going to be issued this week. I have to say.... these last several weeks (well..OK... since LOA on 8/28) have been very stressful waiting for the many different gov't entities to process this paperwork or that document. But I have to tell you.... God wasn't surprised... not in the least! And He is Good. ALL THE TIME.

And how to do I know that on this very day? Well, God has always chosen to confirm and affirm His will for our adoptions through dates. As miraculous as it is.... He uses past important dates (birthdays, anniversary's, etc.) and places the adoption dates for our current adoption on that timeline.

Example:
Our anniversary is 10/14. Logan's adoption date is 10/14/08.

We bought our house on 2/25. We met Jacob for the first time on 2/25. We sent in our LOI for Ava's adoption on 2/25.

Katelyn's birthday is 2/12 and Kiah's is 2/21.

Our DTC date for Ava was our LID for Logan's adoption.

Me and Brandon's birthday is 8/22 and we were matched with Luke on 8/22.

I'll stop here. You get the picture.

So knowing all this I DO NOT KNOW WHY I was surprised to see a tentative itinerary for our trip to get Ava.... her official adoption date being 12/8. 12/8 is also..... Logan's birthday.

As you can see from the picture above, we will be journaling our trip to Ava at myadoptionwebsite.com. This will be our 4th time using myadoptionwebsite. Let me just tell you.... Joe and Jennifer are FABULOUS! They run a great business. They are friendly, professional and they take the stress out of keeping up with friends and family while you are in China. All you do is email your text and pictures straight to them and they post them on your personal site. The sites are customized and they have many templates to chose from. I just can't say enough good thing about them.

Cruise on over and check out Ava's site

www.myadoptionwebsite.com/ourava

I hope to be posting travel dates soon!!!

2 FABULOUS LETTERS!!!

We just found out that we got

T A !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is great—everything works together for good for his servant. I'll tell the world how great and good you are, I'll shout Hallelujah all day, every day.

Psalm 35:28 (The Message)

Halloween fun!!!

The little boys dressed up as skeletons.

Jacob was a storm trooper...again.

Only because he still fit in his costume and I refused to buy a new one!

The little boys ready to go!!!

Kiah dressed up as a princess. She wasn't really feeling very "princessy" due to having a fever for 5 days straight.

The results of 1 hour of trick or treating!!!

We had great fun!!!



The only thing missing..... sweet Ava!







Please CC*A... send our TA SOON!!!

Birthday Realities

Monday was Luke’s 4th birthday. I had planned a light airy post about Luke’s party and how far he has come since arriving home. However, that was not what the Lord laid on my heart.

There is something special about Luke... and I’m not talking about all his “special needs”. There is a certain knowledge. One that we can’t ignore.

See, when we adopted Luke…. his life was truly saved.

Now, most times when people talk about adoption they talk about “saving a child’s life”. And in the larger sense that is absolutely true. You are providing an orphan, a child that has nothing, with a family, medical and dental care, education, food, a warm bed, etc. And you are “saving a life”.

But what I am truly talking about are the orphans in critical medical condition. The kids with complicated special needs or that have just been ravaged by the orphanage system. Kids that will most definitely die if they are not adopted. Luke was one of those kids. However, we didn’t know this fact until we received him in China. Up until Gotcha Day we thought he was a typical orphanage cleft kid who had acclimated to his life at the orphanage and was doing "OK" waiting for us to come get him. He wasn’t. He was struggling, he was barely hanging on. He was slowly withering away.

We were told by several medical professionals that if we hadn’t traveled when we did that Luke would not have seen his 2nd birthday.

He would not have LIVED.

He was that dehydrated, mal-nourished, delayed, compromised and frail.

When I think about this my heart is simply....heavy.

Luke’s adoption was when I truly understood what “saving a life” was all about. It wasn’t something we were prepared for. It was something we were thrust in to and it was a big burst of reality for us. To me it was the "other side" of adoption. The side that's not all fairies, rainbows and ponies. It was the heart-wrenching reality of child desperately struggling. And the knowledge that the child was desperately struggling for a long long time. With no relief.

Jake and Kiah’s adoptions had been very typical. Jake and Kiah were both loved, fed and cared for. They were doing well in their respective environments while waiting for us to come get them. Same with Logan and Ava. Logan was in a great orphanage in XuZhou, Jiangsu and Ava… she is at the fabulous Philip Hayden Foundation.

But kids like Luke…. kids who are in desperate situations at their orphanage, kids with diagnosed and undiagnosed special needs….every day is a struggle for them. Every day is spent withering away. Everyday their little spirits get more and more crushed. Every day they become weaker.

Even though we didn’t know what we were getting into, there is an overwhelming sadness knowing that your child was that compromised and there was no escape for them until you came. So on Monday when we celebrated Luke’s birthday it was with happiness that we have this boy but also with a heavy heart. My heart is heavy for the knowledge and reality of all the children who are in desperate need of a forever family. DESPERATE NEED.

I pray that each of these children find their way to a forever family sooner rather than later. And that God directs all of our hearts to these waiting children so that these sweet young ones can find love, comfort and relief.